Two years. Two whole years, which when placed in context of my life, is so proportionally small it’s almost insignificant.
Yes a huge amount has changed, for the better and the worse, I’ve laughed and cried. I’ve grown mentally and shrunk physically. I’ve felt pain and been given happiness. I’ve been supported and have cherished in return. But despite all that, one thing didn’t change- the time remains the same. Two years is still two years. A mere fraction of time, gone but not forgotten. All that has transpired in this window of history is now nothing more than memories, sealed away in a corner of my mind hoping for nothing more than to be glanced at on occasion.
Yet today I can’t help but consider that two years in a whole new light.
My buba is two! He is two whole years old! That’s 100% of his life.
In those two short years he has loved- wholley and without agenda or condition. He has grown mentally and physically in to the bouncing, gregarious and amazing mini me whom I literally cannot take my eyes off. He has unwittingly bought joy to so many, lifting spirits with every giggle, bum shake and mimick he attempts.
I think about what he has achieved in this small space. I think about it in a sense way beyond his new abilities to walk and talk and play. To make his feelings and wants known-often and confidently!! His desire to interact, to learn and to be just like us, you and me and of course, his blessed and beloved brother. His hero. O.
Yes I do, I think about his ability to bring a smile to my face through the hardest of hard times. To shine light of the dark nights. And I glow.
I think back to the week after his birth. A time I don’t often like to recall.
I vividly remember being lay in bed sobbing! Night after night thinking where did it all go wrong? How could this be happening to me? I would sweep my arm over the side of the bed where my husband once lay. Now cold and empty.
My gaze would cast back down, taking in a visual feast of this tiny person nestled in the crook of my arm along the way. My eyes would land. Through tear blurred focus I would just watch.
The breath being suffocated out of me by the sheer weight of love I have for this little man. So pure, so innocent, so dependant on me for life itself and I would cry for him. The life I had hoped for, the one he deserved was gone and he would never ever know it. For him not even a memory.
As these thoughts would throw me back to the pits of despair he would hold my finger, nuzzle in under my chin or simply look at me- those dark blue eyes, not yet able to focus, but yet which held an innate ability to see deep inside to my demons. And he would save me.
So as sappy and as simple as this may sound, my boy has achieved a lot.
He bought me back to life.
So as his next chapter opens I wish for nothing more than to see him flourish, to grow and to just be him!
So here’s to you my darling A, on this your 2nd birthday!
I love you!