Crossing the line

I’m a social media addict. I am, and I own it.

 I love having a record of the crazy things my innocent O has said over the years, or the silly things A does as he starts to navigate the amazing, exciting world of being a toddler. (I’m going to conciously ignore the moments involving my drunken girls and I!)

Social media It’s a wonderful thing. Truly. But if we are all honest we know it has it’s downsides too. 

I’m referring to the days when the lovely folks at Facebook serves up memories that frankly we would rather forget. 

You know the ones? yup; that’s them,  when you log on only to see “his” face appear on your timeline..your mind sent spinning right back to that painful, ashamed and embarrassed place. Inevitably questioning who was he shagging that morning? What lie had he told me that evening.. The wounds opened again! 

However, this isn’t one of those days. Not for me anyway.  

Let me explain. 

I did get served a memory today. An amazing photo. Me and my buba. One week old. Me glowing with joy. Protective. Loving. Proud. Tired.  Him, swaddled upon my chest, content and happy in his milk induced sleep. 

This photo was the last one taken in my former life, my life before “he” left. 

The day after this photo was taken  my life was 100% different. “He” turned and walked away, without a care in the world, and those precious contented moments with my buba were gone, forever. Stolen. Replaced with fear, anxiety, dread and stress, to name just a few.

Anyway the point of this (seemingly directionless drivel) is to say, I hadn’t even realised this.  Today I looked at that photo for what it was. What it is. Me and buba, Beautiful. Natural. Lovely. It makes me smile.  Then came the realisation  (and FYI I was reminded) that it was two years ago that he left. 

The line has been crossed! I made it to the other side. 

And you know what.. I love it. Was it hard? Hell yes! Would I have it any other way? No way.. (Maybe without so many lawyers.. Yes, the rest, no) 

Today I sit here a different person. Stronger, wiser, 100% proud of myself and my little family. We’ve come a long way! 

Now happy in love with my new beau, feeling safe, secure, appreciated and truly content with my lot, I look back with nothing but fond memories of the boys and I. 

I have at some point along the way, shifted; subconsciously managing to blocked him out. The white noise if you like just kinda hissing in the background, it’ll always be there but it’s Insignificant, to the point that he has literally no impact. Positive or negative. I simply just don’t care enough. 

So to get to my point, to all you ladies out there, know this: if you are still in the eye of the storm find yourself a shelter and ride that bad boy out. Because one day, God knows when, but you will cross that line… You won’t even realise it, not at first but when you do, wow  you know it’s done. And you will be thankful for the journey. You will grow and cry and evolve and relax. 

You will love and be loved! And trust me when I say, that’s the best bit!! 

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