After D Day happened, I was at my lowest. I had to find a way to survive, a reason to get up each day.
Maybe it was my subconscious trying to keep me afloat, I don’t know, but what I do know is, in that dark time I learned something new. I learned to take each day as it came. As shitty as it might have been, I learned to look beyond all that and to find the joy. And I did. Sometimes in the smallest, trivial of things; a flower, a rainbow, a smile from a passerby, but mainly in my boys.
Oh those two.. Everyday, between them they brought and still bring me so much joy; so much so, that I couldn’t possibly put it into words – certainly not in any way that would do how I feel for them justice.
But after a while; me a single mum, working hard, running the home, managing the bills and all those other millions of things that we juggle day in day out, well, it started to feel like a chore.
I no longer got the satisfaction in the same way I once did. I still found true joy in the little things, but I also felt a hole.
A deep sad hole. Something was amiss. A part of me that meant so much just wasn’t there.
I knew what that was. It was love.
And just then, out of the blue, there he was. It was a huge surprise to none more that I! I fell fast and hard. And everyday still, I feel myself fall a bit more.
I’m a thinker. An analyser. I hate it but it’s me. So in my typical style I have on many occasion found myself questioning why has this one made an impact? How has he not only taken down my walls, but pulled up the bloody foundations too… well that answer is simple.
It’s the little things. All those silly, simple, little things that when added together make a force to be reckoned with. A force so strong that I am rendered powerless.
Our dates are special, each completely unique. Some lavish-luxury hotels, champagne, chocolates – amazing! Others a simple stroll on a windy beach in autumn, a bubble bath with coffee. His and her wine- delicately picked by him knowing I would laugh at his soppy purchase or just a simple night watching Tv, warm on the sofa together.
But that’s all just stuff. Anyone could do that. Right? So what else?
Well it’s him. Simply put it’s just him- His gentle and considerate nature; the warm car so I won’t be cold when he picks me up, the silly videos he sends to cheer me up on a crappy day, the flowers I receive when I’m sick. The way he leaves his comfies at my house when he goes away (knowing full well that I’ll wear them to just to feel close to him). The “good morning beautiful” messages that start my day with a smile combined with the “I love you beautiful” ones that are the last thing my sleepy eyes see at night. There’s oh so many examples of him just being him that to list them all would be tiresome (and would likely give him a rather large ego!).
But more than that, he knows me. He gets what I need to feel safe. What I want to feel joy. And what it means for me to be sad. And he either holds me whilst I ride it out or he makes it better. And I feel it.
I feel it in his smile against my temple when he holds me. The strength in his arm, wrapped tightly around me and the resistance I feel from him trying not to let me go- every time he embraces me. The way he cups my face as he stares deep into my eyes- every time knowing to question what’s going on in my crazy head or not.
So today im blessed that I don’t have to look very far for the joy in everyday things, because now I have him and he knowingly or not serves them right to me in all the little things he does. says and is x