Sadness has swept me away today.
You know that kind of helpless, frustrating, enraging sadness that cuts deep through every layer of you?
The kind of sadness that hits that secret place deep inside, a place you thought would always be hidden, a place no one would dare enter, least not without feeling your Roth!
The sacred place where you tenderly but firmly hold the hearts of your nearest and dearest. Every instinct in you gripping them tight like your life depends on it. You hold them close, those beautiful hearts, wrapped in love, in laughter. All the memories you shared along the way now just life lessons- experiences from which we have grown.
Over the years, as you own heart hurts and heals again, you strengthen the barriers around that sacred place to enforce the shield that will keep your precious cargo safe from harm. You simply won’t allow anyone to feel like you did, so you give all you have then a bit more, in the hope that anguish passes right by.
But despite your best effort,when least expected pain hits. And it hits hard.
In that moment. That fucking helpless-out of control-angry at life moment, in which all you can do is hold them close, whilst silently praying that as you wrap your arms around, and squeeze their shuddering shoulders tight that it might, it just might be enough to hold all their broken pieces together- if even for just one more day!
The realisation hits, your prayer was made in vain. You hold them close, tighter still, pull them in to you; squirrelling them away into your sacred place… but It’s too late.
Your collar is wet from the rolling tears of despair. You intake a sharp breath, it’s all you can do to contain your own boiling emotions, as the deafening sound you tried so hard to never, ever hear, creeps through the cries. The sound of heartbreak.
Fuck! So helpless!
No words make it better. No jokes will bring a smile. So you just hold her. Stroke her hair. And show her the love she deserves. A soft kiss on the head. Another tissue. Hugs of plenty.
But the pain rages on.
There’s is nothing. Not one thing that you can do to save her from this moment.
The sadness sweeps on.