recovery

On the other side 

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I find it amazing- astounding in fact that as human beings we have the ability to infect someone else with a feeling. Be it positive or negative; once someone has you in their sights with an intent to make an impact that’s it, it hits you like a spell. Dragging you to the depths of despair or to the highest of highs. 
I have seen the former all to many times and now I bask in the light. I’m seeing what life is like on the other side.

A warmth. A smile. A touch. A word. That’s all it took! 

 I’m upside down, head spinningly giddy- excited brave and bashful all at the same time. A myriad of contradictions swell my daily thoughts but that’s ok. After all don’t “they” say with great risk comes great reward? Now I can’t help but to think – it’s my turn, my time!!  

So I’m embracing it with all that I have- no expectations other than to enjoy every moment. 

At the risk of this post becoming a puke-fest I’ll call it a day now, but I do want to say to all the women out there who are sadly still on the dark side of their journey- 

There is hope. It will get better. You will smile again. 

For now cry the tears you need to cry. Greave the life you’ve lost or that will never be, but know that something else, something more spectacular than you ever dared to dream is waiting just for you! 

X

Date with Nuremberg

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I’m so happy to sit here once again. Yes Starbucks is firmly in hand and a silly school girl grin plastered right across my face. You know the kind of smile you get the day after a great date, when your sitting alone thinking of your new love and you just feel warm Inside. That’s the one. I feel almost giddy in my delight. 

I love this place. Always have done but leaving was so hard, frought with what ifs with future regrets. The Places of this city, our places became part of the cover up-part of the lie that was my life. So leaving was so bitter sweet. I felt like not only had he betrayed me but my city had to. She covered up for him. Gave him the shadows to skulk about it. And she allowed me to think life was rosey she never get me a hint! No clues at all. 

So today my plan is simple. I’m going on a date with my city. I have forgiven her and I’m allowing  her to show me her forgiveness is appreciated. 

I will hold her hand and love and document her in all her splendid glory warts and all. Through my tourist lense I’ll rewrite those past feelings and create a new story of my life here. 

So for now I will bid you tscuss and set off to fall in love!