As children we are warned of the boogie man, the stranger offering sweets on the streets, the man alone in the park. We are taught to protect ourselves from the dangers of the unknown. The dark side of society, portrayed as the big bad wolf hiding, lurking in the shadows. We are armed with knowledge and we tighten our defences.
Then we grow up. We dream of love. We imagine our own fantasy fairy tale. The picture perfect partner to share our lives with. Someone to cherish, challenge, support and respect. We long for butterflies in the tummy; a passion that leaves our mouths dry and palms sweaty. We live for that racing heart and trembling legs euphoria of real unfiltered love. Of course we kiss a few frogs along the way, and we all suffer from soul sucking heart-break somewhere down the road. And it changes us. We learn, we grown, we go back to protection mode as taught to us in our youth. But then, there he is…your person. The other side of you. Your complete; in perfect harmony together. We open ourselves up. We give ourselves freely. You trust him with your heart, your soul, your secrets, your dreams, your deepest desires…your fears. You are at your most vulnerable. But that’s ok, those lessons mamma taught you don’t apply here.
After all you know him. You know everything about him. Don’t you?
So what happens when these two opposing worlds collide?
When evil resides behind the mask of Prince Charming… your perfect partner is the stranger. The con man, the opportunist, the master manipulator, liar, thief, adulterer, pervert… Narcissist! An unrecognisable person whom the very thought of chills you to the bone, leaving your once rampant hot blood running cold. What do you do?
It’s tempting to build a wall of protection that could rival Berlin around your very being, to crumple like your once sweaty sex sheets on the floor, to gather your army of bitterness and fire killer words without aim, or simply to retreat. Hide away licking your wounds of shame, despair and sorrow.
Then what? You live alone, to afraid to move on, to be vulnerable again, scared to be happy because you know – you just know it’s gonna happen again!!! Nope not me, I remember the lessons that mama taught me. This time I may go a little slower, I place my feet with a touch more caution, but I get up. Over, and over again. After all you can’t keep a good woman down.
Despite the new knowledge of his continued and deepening disgraceful behaviour now in my possession I feel strangely calm. I’m no longer shocked. I feel no shame. No hurt. No fear. No hatred. No self-pity. I’ve cleansed myself, literally and figuratively. I’m Shiny and new. Not the same person in any way shape or form, but I love that. The fear of the unknown, the anticipation of the life that is waiting for me forces my heart to beat faster and stronger than it ever did before. Any pain or hurt I may feel in the future will be embraced as it simply tells me I’m still alive, I’m taking risks and I’m living really living!
Now I’m forearmed and protected after all I now know the stranger once in my bed.